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orezeta! |
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fresh vomit. not applicable. dys-crypt-tick. preterito. ha ha h[art]! |
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| skip | ||
| recede 13 |
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| Feb. 6th, 2010 | 11:03 pm | ||||||
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corrupt lungs turn red blood blue light'n up a god sent plan for death let's slay slow n lance kissing blows slander passion let's smoke the monster out |
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| everything but your love gets louder in the dark. | ||||||
| Jan. 31st, 2010 | 03:54 pm | ||||||
| streaks of madness running through my mind, one line at a time... | ||||||
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| Jan. 27th, 2010 | 05:57 am | ||||||
| crash fuckin BANG. | ||||||
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| super super. | ||||||
| Jan. 25th, 2010 | 12:47 am | ||||||
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shit's rolling. i mean that really like the happens are swift and continuous, got like meme match all ups over my symbol scape...let something go, and bang. make a fucking wish, GRANTED. i don't know why but everything's going super sweet, even though things suck more than i want them too, SO WHAT? so i guess i talk like this. |
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| Jan. 21st, 2010 | 03:50 pm | ||||||
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so as a rule, things are EXACTLY opposite to what they appear? i'm all blitzed on the dream of hot raw emotion, and the reality is cool, hollow...NULL. yeah k. so gross! I LIED. oh self stop lying, stop trying so hard to fit the reality...no. no no no. "actually, i felt used, but how could you know how out of proportion my feelings for you are?" eeh hee hee yeah whatever it doesn't mean anything, NOTHING means anything, unless you make it mean something i've made this mean too much, don't whittle dreams out of. ghaghh. out of what! not sand, that's a totally unsuccessful metaphor, glass? yeah shattered window. |
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| Jan. 21st, 2010 | 11:46 am | ||||||
| dear self: just keep going. | ||||||
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| moth/er | ||||||
| Jan. 20th, 2010 | 09:33 pm | ||||||
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it's not that i don't believe you, i just know. your love is diluted. i know...it's fucking polluted. AW THERE'S NOTHING I WANT MORE THAN THE MUSE. like indeep. i keep playing piano and winding up with counterparts to GOD PEOPLE same goes for the fucking HARP i sound irate maybe i feel it i feel, i feel, ouch, this weirdness in me. i fucking resent men! i do i fucking resent them like SHIT i've met a rare few men in my life who really know how to fucking APPRECIATE me, and yet i always fall for the ones who just don't. and i pledge my fucking devotion, asking for nothing in return like YES i am master of my own world and i guess this is just what i wanna do, i wanna spend all my fucking time blowing my mind on IMAGINING THE PERFECT BEING YOU ARE only to find that oh, well i guess humans just suck! and i guess boys...like what the hell, i mentioned earlier that Mr Sick fits the prototype love of my life pattern, across the street Jordan from 5 yr old love times, i was so into him and he had no interest in getting tender. which i guess is fair when yur 5. and who knows maybe this is the same scenario, with the added bonus of some fucking insane steamy haze memory of drunken "fuck it"? (nopunintended) yeah i'm just your "fuck it"? (nopunintended) goddamn i've leveled up and i didn't even beat the last boss. dear self - STOP CHEATING. also, dear self, seriously continue forming new habits of sublimation. maybe learn how to puke at the same time as the orgasm. i don't mean learn to do both at the same time. mmm...kay. if no one's reading this i'll say whatever i want. in analyzing my psyche i'm surprised to find that it fills in blanks all over my Mythos Map that are far more fucked up often than the reality. i need to reprogram something FIERCE my friends! and stop making wild assumptions about the Lives of Others, which i guess are a lot more boring than i like to imagine. i mean i don't really know sorry goddamn i need to go smoke. CHEESE. CHEESE MAKES MY FUCKING TEETH TINGLE. i wanna see martha play at the shamrock but i can't seem to leave my comfy. i'm stressin' about this "wow, that really happened" bit too much to move on - c'mon babe get a grip. if you wanna save someone find someone who wants to get saved. don't pick the fucking psychedelic savior. if you love someone, well, how can you not. there's just way too much material here for me to lose interest, naw gnaw goddamn i miss your mouth, mister, ssssssssssssssisicisicicisicicckckkkkkis |
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| eeehhh! | ||||||
| Jan. 20th, 2010 | 01:30 pm | ||||||
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okay so now i have some weirder issues to deal with, that whole business being settled on the negative (untrue) side of my suspicions, and now the far more subtle "what was I thinking?" projection angle has to go on - why am i cued up to suspect lechery? (haha. tough question.) why would i never consider that a guy might not be into penetration? there's a perfect symmetry here that thrills me but. i don't know what to fucking do. |
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| Jan. 19th, 2010 | 02:04 am | ||||||
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH |
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| eehehhhehwhwwww | ||||||
| Jan. 19th, 2010 | 12:18 am | ||||||
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wanna write a song goes like I WANNA EXPLODE YOUR HEART or something to this effect, could not sleep last night, my pulse was on POUNDING, mists in my eyes melding, i've once again put myself in a powerless position, i remain in this position, dear prudence, patient.......so patient. so. to change the response! i reject shame. in favour of celebration. i've been mourning too long. sides, no matter what, this is new. and if something in me cringes at the concept of drunken debauchery with no real emotional grounding, at least it means i can better to relate to most, if not all of my peers. i mean at the least and also to out my bad weather head AT THE MOST i am experiencing something. something...exactly. as it happens. just, orly? self? okay, fine, sigh, ouch, fuck, what? ever. yone. youch. youhchhhh. tatatata! i guess, okay, i guess...and maybe i'm just okay looking in the wrong place for the kinda freaky tenderness i'm made of, i mean it's me and i suppose it would work to really own that and EXTEND IT instead of hoping oh hoping so hard that someone, oh magic beast, is just gonna come along and BE MY PERFECT MIRROR. RRRUGUUHH. love, oh. though. the two of cups. meeting of masculine and feminine, reconciling the elements. maybe i just have to stop falling for emotionally disconnected drug addled perverts who are just looking for some porno fantasy. czzzzz REALLY i mean...i don't have that skill set. seduction, i have some art, but only in passing, passively...PRAY THAT WHAT I LACK DOES NOT DISTRACT. or maybe i am just looking for a dedicated sexual partner and necessarily need someone fucked up and dominating to get my instructive fix...i'm confused, really. that's what i mean. it's not going to work with someone who has no real interest in my trip. and my trip...might be a bit steep. certainly is attractive to some...but, again, it's not some fucking porno fantasy, i'm not some 13 year old girl in pigtails sucking a lollipop craving your desire. or...not quite. yes i want you to be unquenchably attracted...yes, i want a strong hand. experience is somehow necessary for this process, which explains the lust for mansluts. hahahahahgiwehiahgihaogshsldihgflihsrefh. FLIPPING. OUT. so. uh huh. |
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| hahahahahahhhaaaaaa. | ||||||
| Jan. 17th, 2010 | 09:39 pm | ||||||
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free kiri. this has never occurred to me. had a super hilarious time at the bollywood disco party. super sore. super sick. ha ha hawt sick, holy hell. k so. k so. dis, co. whoa. orly?! weirdest fucking shit. |
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| the new mirror. | ||||||
| Jan. 15th, 2010 | 06:59 am | ||||||
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scratch first item on the list. include sharpen 140 coloured pencils and scratch that too. i'm itching for mobility but crave home base, two months of travel prospected it seems and all this fucking STUFF. it's feeling different to keep things at my parents' house, like i can deal with that vibe, but i do not want to LIVE there. don't don't. nuh uh. like having a big fucking box of my own to harbour my treasures. tired of moving it all around. THUS IS THE LIFE. suck it up, princess? forget about the useless beauty? simplify? ha! i am awake at 7 am, shit's so not going good. i think i've finally fallen out of love. i mean it took a while but i'm just not feeling it/dear self, learn to sustain real connection please. yes. good grl. i mean maybe my hope just has to completely die before there's room in my feels for genuine sensation and exchange. or maybe oh i guess i just have to let myself feel the (stupid ridiculous childish pitiful asinine) things that i just CAN'T ACCEPT! NO! DO NOT FEEL TENDER! ALWAYS DEFENSIVE! PREPARE FOR FAILURE! DON'T EVEN TRY! stop trying. stop trying. fuuuuckkk, why am../s.e/.fshgoRHGH. I NEED OUTLETS! DEAR WEATHER, PLEASE STAY NICE! okay so not in love, unemployed, cold, awake, lacking a bollywood disco outfit for what will be a fabulous party and why do i want to go when i fucking hate parties? hope for love. wanna hear your voice. i wanna be your love i wanna make you cry and sweep you off your feet i wanna hurt your pride i wanna slap your face i wanna paint your nails i wanna make you scream i wanna braid your hair i wanna kiss your friends i wanna make you laugh i wanna dress the same i wanna defend you i wanna squeeze your thighs i wanna kiss your eyelids and corrupt your dreams i wanna crash your car i wanna scratch your cheeks i wanna make you sick i wanna sell you out want to expose your flaws i wanna steal your things i wanna show you off i wanna tell you lies i wanna write you books i wanna turn you on i wanna make you cum 200 times a day i wanna dry your tears every time you're sad i wanna be your what's happening, i wanna be your only friend /// i wanna be a beast i wanna make you cry and play with your head i wanna take you out and make you feel adored and buy you everything i wanna hurt you bad and make you paranoid and say the sweetest things i wanna help you grow and for eternity i wanna be your what's happening so hey, of montreal is still sweet. (i think malaysian mink.) |
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| freedom to be alone with the freedom | ||||||
| Jan. 12th, 2010 | 09:30 pm | ||||||
| i need a haircut and a darkroom. i need a job. and a lover. i've said it before, and i'll say it again/all fires have to burn alive to live. (unquote) i sense no one really reads this (anymore?) and it feels boring. busy i guess writing to someone who listens. self love self love self love self. re l y earning. shrug shrug. | ||||||
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